2004-03-13 - 3:58 p.m.
1-26-04
So, today I had my re-contracting meeting this afternoon. I was kind of nervous but also looking forward to some feedback. I walked in and was told that the boss I was supposed to have my meeting with was absent. So instead, I would have it with the other boss whose English seems shaky. He directs me to sit down in the middle of the open office, in front of everyone. Hmm... interesting. Here is the play by play of the conversation:
�Ah Megan, you are at Fuji. So how is that?�
�Well, I love the kids. I enjoy spending time with them.�
�How about the teachers. How are they?�
�Hmm... they are very busy. They are nice when we talk.�
�I see. So you want to re-contract. How is the bike riding going?�
�Not well.�
�That is our major concern. We are worried that...�
And the rest of my re-contracting interview focused on bike riding. I work my ass off at Fuji. I almost never do non-work related things when I�m there. I keep myself busy with making games, worksheets, writing back to letters, and spending my free time wandering the halls to speak with kids. I don�t have the best relationship with my teachers, but I LOVE my students and I always have a smile and friendly greeting for them, anytime, any place, no matter how I feel. And this is an accomplishment, given that every adult at that school treats me like a dog. I guess I had expected something, any little bit of praise or room for improvement. Some comment, some proof that this hasn�t been in vain. But instead I get the uncaring boss front. I was so shocked and disillusioned that I wanted to say �Forget it - I don�t want to stay after all.�
After this, I went to dinner with Don and later met Lulu to get my haircut. These past two weeks, I�ve been looking at pictures of myself for the Megan Money. Always when I smile, I look truly happy - it�s a talent. Not just my mouth, but my eyes reflect happiness too. In almost every situation, I can find goodness or humor and this lends to smiles that are always genuine. But I was looking for the pictures that had glowing happiness - where I smiled unconsciously because the joy had to be released. I found them, these pictures of someone who was content with the world and her life. I looked all shiny and new. I wanted to be that again, so I decided to chop my hair to the length it was in those pictures. Silly really. Hair can�t bring about a complete change in mood. But the mental image I have of the happy me is with this chin length hair. So I chopped it. Small steps towards contentment.
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